Okay, I’ma little under the influence right now, so I’m not going to promise anything or act like things are going to change overnight.
My plan with this, the plan I started in August failed EPICALLY, all because of me. Because I’m a procrastinator, because I get bored easily, because of a lot of things, but it was all because of me. I want to say I’m at least ten pounds heavier than I was when I started. And that’s definitely not where I want to be.
So…like I said, don’t hold me to much that I say when I’m drunk, but I want 2012 to be better. I want to follow through on the things I say I’ll do. I want to feel pretty again. I want to feel like there’s a point to me dressing up on the occasions that I have to do so. I want to feel like my husband’s got something worth coming home to. Because right now? I don’t feel any of those things. I want to be healthy for my son, my kids, and the kids that I might have coming in my future, and right now, I don’t think I am. I danced to one song with an energetic two-year-old and was winded by the end. I didn’t used to be that way. I used to be able to dance for hours.
I want my husband to want to dance with me. I couldn’t get him to tonight, and part of me has to wonder, even if most of me knows that he doesn’t care, if maybe he’d be more into it if I were thinner, prettier.
I’ve never felt like I was good enough…so I want to end 2012 thinking that I am. Thinking that I’m as awesome as everyone tells me I am.
I’ll post again when I’m not so not myself…something more coherant. Til then? Happy new year, kids. Love ya.