Reflection

Okay, I’ma little under the influence right now, so I’m not going to promise anything or act like things are going to change overnight.

My plan with this, the plan I started in August failed EPICALLY, all because of me. Because I’m a procrastinator, because I get bored easily, because of a lot of things, but it was all because of me. I want to say I’m at least ten pounds heavier than I was when I started. And that’s definitely not where I want to be.

So…like I said, don’t hold me to much that I say when I’m drunk, but I want 2012 to be better. I want to follow through on the things I say I’ll do. I want to feel pretty again. I want to feel like there’s a point to me dressing up on the occasions that I have to do so. I want to feel like my husband’s got something worth coming home to. Because right now? I don’t feel any of those things. I want to be healthy for my son, my kids, and the kids that I might have coming in my future, and right now, I don’t think I am. I danced to one song with an energetic two-year-old and was winded by the end. I didn’t used to be that way. I used to be able to dance for hours.

I want my husband to want to dance with me. I couldn’t get him to tonight, and part of me has to wonder, even if most of me knows that he doesn’t care, if maybe he’d be more into it if I were thinner, prettier.

I’ve never felt like I was good enough…so I want to end 2012 thinking that I am. Thinking that I’m as awesome as everyone tells me I am.

I’ll post again when I’m not so not myself…something more coherant. Til then? Happy new year, kids. Love ya.

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Something Random

Okay, so I’ve been working on making my blog pretty…and whatnot…and I know, with the topic and all that, it’s really just for me, but, hey, no one wants to be out in space all on their own, so I’d like to gain more people reading, all that jazz…so here’s my question:

Has anyone else just starting a blog felt REALLY intimidated by all the stuff out there? Promotion and designing and affiliating and sponsoring and following and following back and rss feeds and and and and and and and…I feel like I’m way in over my head.

Please tell me I’m not the only one.